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Dear Friend,

Thank you for your gracious offer. However, I'm afraid I must decline it.

Let me explain my situation. Some time ago I was offered some very efficient penis enlargement pills via e-mail. “Excellent!”, I thought. The promised lenght increase was 30%, but after trying the pills out I found out that in reality they increased my member length by 50%! They really worked! I ordered some more from another company and my schlong expanded even more!

I was excited by my new physical dimensions. Probably the word had gotten around since I got a lot of offers from horny teen lesbian virgins all over the world, they all wanted to chat with me. Some of them said they had seen me on ICQ altough I didn't recall such an event. However, I contacted each one of them! They had lovely websites full of biographies and personal pictures.

Being a man with a strong sexual drive, I was determined to satisfy all these horny girls and I ordered some V1agra, right through e-mail which had dropped into my mailbox. But now my member had gotten so large I had difficulty carrying it around and it was in a constant state of erection. Fortunately, I no longer had to work since I could earn $5,000 a week from home, working half the hours at a time I pleased! I had won a green card in a lottery but I had no use for it any longer, so I returned it to the sender.

I reserved a domain by my name, yet again through e-mail. How convenient. It was so kind of them to remind me via e-mail that this was possible. Perhaps all my teenage horny lesbians could remember me better after e-mailing me to my personal site. By this time I got so many e-mail offers I hardly had time to cheat on my wife (yet another e-mail offer) and to satisfy all the horny virgins who were so eager to show their private parts to me over the Internet.

After taking too many penis enlargement pills, my swollen member got achy and bursted from over-expansion. This was very painful and utterly frustrating since I had just reached optimal physical proportions with some weight-loss pills, which truly worked! Fortunately a friend of mine has just become licensed doctor. All he had to do was to order a diploma via the Internet! He got this information conveniently in his own e-mail box and so he graduated without a hassle, without ever going to a school of any kind! Naturally I ordered a diploma for myself, too. The Internet is truly amazing.

However, despite his excellent qualifications, he was unable to remedy my bursted penis. But yet again, e-mail came to the rescue. Some very nice Nigerian gentlemen had problems transferring funds out of their country and asked me for help, which I of course offered. After the transaction I was $100,000 richer! Thanks to the stock tips I received to my mailbox, I doubled my funds in the stock market in one week. This gave me the opportunity to leave work and to have a surgery on my damaged male organ.

I started small marketing business by sending just a few dollars by mail and soon got tons of 5 dollar bills back. I got very cheap real estate mortgage and my less than perfect credit record was erased in an instant by a very helpful e-mail marketer. All my private life problems were magically cured by yet another e-mail business professional. With my riches I bough a sports car and after ordering an unrevokable driver's license I am out of the cops' reach. Finally, I got a superloaded cellular phone that works underwater or in a Faraday's cage. It's a cool gadget altough I don't think I'm ever going to be in a Faraday's cage, or in any other cage for that matter – after all, I did order an unrevokable drivers' license.

Before starting my e-mail transactions I was unhappy, obese, poor, uneducated loser with no car, no drivers' license, crappy cellular phone, lousy apartment, underpaid work with long hours, vegetating genitals and an insatiable desire for sex. Today, things are different. I am rich, lusted by horny girls, I have a huge penis, a clean credit card account, a great car, a beautiful house, university diploma, I am in optimal physical shape and everything else is just perfect. So, despite your gracious offer, I'm afraid I need nothing more to be completely happy and sucessful in my life.

I will be unable to answer any further messages since I'll be enjoying the pleasures of these horny teenage lesbian schoolgirls with my massive member. Have a good day!

-Aapo Puskala, 21.9.2003